My Stephen King-Themed Gingerbread Cookies

Because I’m just not someone who gets into the Yuletide spirit, I generally welcome any opportunity for irreverence during the holiday season. I am also married to a wonderful woman who appreciates this about me despite her own unabashed love of Christmastime. So when Steph offered me a portion of her homemade gingerbread dough to make whatever I wanted, I jumped at the chance to turn a funny dream into a funny reality: a series of Stephen King-themed gingerbread cookies (pictured above).

As you can probably tell, I’m neither a professional cookie baker nor a professional cookie decorator. (And, in fact, I think this is the first time I’ve made gingerbread cookies as an adult.) What’s more, the icing I used ended up being much, much runnier than expected. (Live and learn, I guess.) Still, I don’t think they came out a total disaster. A few even wound up looking better than I thought they would (thanks mostly to Steph’s advice and occasional interventions). If nothing else, they’re certainly an unintentionally funny reality.

Looking at the cookies in the photo from left-to-right, top-to-bottom, they are (or, were supposed to be):

  • Rose the Hat’s hat from Doctor Sleep (2013)
  • the passkey to Room 217 from The Shining (1977)
  • Randall Flagg’s yellow smiley face button from The Stand (1978)
  • a vial containing “Lot Six” from Firestarter (1980)
  • a dog collar name tag for Cujo (1981)
  • Father Donald Callahan’s glowing cross from ‘Salem’s Lot (1975)
  • Georgie Denbrough’s paper boat from It (1986)
  • the key to Arnie Cunningham’s 1958 Plymouth Fury from Christine (1983)
  • Mr. Jingles from The Green Mile (1996)
  • the pet cemetery sign from Pet Sematary (1983)
  • the carnival wheel of fortune from The Dead Zone (1979)
  • the “White Commission Report” from Carrie (1974)
  • Andy Dufresne’s rock hammer from Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption (1982)
  • the Crimson King’s sigul from the Dark Tower series (1982-2012)
  • Paul Sheldon’s severed foot from Misery (1987)

Happy Holidays, everybody — but especially you, my fellow “Constant Readers.”